The best revenge is premature balding
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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