Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
