He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
