I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize