In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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