well you can't waste a boner
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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