***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.