That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"