What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.