I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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