I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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