her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
