Umm I'm too high to move.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
