Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
