my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I AM VODKA MAN
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
