where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
