woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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