I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sober January is a disaster.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.