Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book