YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.