either way he was missing a nipple.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Donâ€™t Know
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldnâ€™t Be In
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever