The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.