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He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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