why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.