Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing