note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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