He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize