just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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