I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
