this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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