there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
