My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
