i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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