I skipped work to stalk him.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
