My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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