I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
