I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize