u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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