tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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