I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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