i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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