Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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