Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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