I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
