alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think my moral compass just broke
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
