apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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