I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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