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Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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