he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!