My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
