with your own penis?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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