Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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