Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
zippers are such a cool invention
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
