I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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