Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
