No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
