Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
