Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
