Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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