haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
